A Year Ago I Saw Your Face

For so long - I had a mental image of you that was blurred out - there were no details - only small Thai girl, 0-4 years old. But a year ago, I memorized every feature in 5 pictures.

What an exciting day. I remember it all like it happened this morning. I was sitting on the bleachers at Matt’s championship baseball game, the players were being announced, Mark was not feeling well and sitting in my lap when the phone rang, Oregon area code, my blood ran cold, I was shaking, I could barely hear as I scurried away from the field telling Marissa to hold on one moment, telling Mark everything was ok, telling Marissa no, I didn’t want to call her back, I just need to walk away so I can hear, no, I can take the call right now, I want to take the call right now. Chris was in the dugout. There was no time to drag him out. I couldn’t risk Matt hearing anything and not being focused on his game. Marissa said, “Yeah, I think you probably want to hear what I have to say.” As I walked away, I was already tearing up - I knew what today was. It was referral day. I had done all the math, all the analysis, the board meeting was last Wednesday so the files would arrive on Monday and be assigned. They would call Monday or Tuesday. It was Monday evening. Please Lord let our referral be in there. How many times had I asked Him? For a moment I had gotten caught up in baseball and actually forgot about waiting for the call. I was living. Of course, the call wouldn’t come when I was staring at my phone. Life never happens that way.

Yes - a year later - it’s fresh in my mind - all of it. Marissa said, “We received a possible referral for you today.” She told me you were born on 12.22.08 and I quickly did the math and knew I heard it wrong. How did we get such a young baby? I asked her if she said 2008, she said, “Yes.” I asked, “She’s 6 months old today?” and as she confirmed yes, my math was right, I cried harder. We wanted as young as possible but never dreamed we would be so lucky, so blessed. Why us? I had never heard of a referral that young from Thailand. She told me you were healthy, beautiful & living in a foster home. She told me what you were wearing in each picture. At some point she said, “Oh I can’t believe you have to wait until you get home to see the pictures!” and I had told her I would be able to check the email at the ballpark. I didn’t have any pen/paper and was trying desperately to remember everything she said verbatim because I had to tell Chris. She told me your name. My eyes grew wide and I laughed, and then she told me your last name. I laughed again, and said, “Oh, you weren’t finished!” She repeated the name for me several times - pausing at syllables. I finally got it. Your beautiful name was bigger than you.

By this time I had somewhat composed myself, and then she told me your story. Well, there went the composure. As happy as I was for us, my heart ached. I hung on every word. I could barely speak. We talked about your story, your history and I was thankful that we had any information to pass along to you. I know some parents aren’t that fortunate. Then Marissa said, “I just sent you an email with information in it and pictures. Do you have any questions?” I said, “I can’t think - Oh yes, when will we travel?” She laughed (I guess everyone asks that) and said, “5-7 months”. I froze thinking you could be home before your birthday and before Christmas...I said I couldn’t think of anything else. She said, “Well, call me if you think of anything, but let’s hang up so you can look at the pictures!”

That email took so long to load.

The first picture was M at 5 weeks. What a tiny little girl. You were just perfect. Your hair was SO long. Of course, I was still crying. At this point, Mark really wondered what was up with this phone call so I said, “Do you want to see Mia’s picture?” He was super excited and said, “aaaaah, she’s so cute”. Yes - that would be everyone’s comment. I opened the 2nd picture at 3 months old and was blown away. You couldn’t be any more beautiful. We received 5 pictures in all but only 3 would open at the game.

I had to show Chris the pictures and tell him all about you while our team played the field because I didn’t want Matt to be distracted. Mark asked Nana & Papa if they wanted to see a picture of Mia the minute they arrived at the game. They were both so shocked & excited and thought you were just beautiful too. We sent out a big announcement email and posted it all to the blog & the Holt forum and everyone agreed, You are so cute!

I must have looked at those pictures 100 times during the game. But as the game started coming to an end, my mind shifted back to baseball. Our team was down, last inning, 2 outs, one runner on base, Matt was up to bat. I thought about how upset Matt would be if he didn’t get a hit. I gave my mom a look of doubt and she said, “This isn’t looking good.” I said, “No, it’s not, unless Matt hits it out of the park.” Of course, no one will ever forget what happened next - Matt hit it out of the park - a walk-off home run to win the tournament! That only happens in the movies. Much later after we all fully celebrated Matt's big moment - I showed him your picture and he was thrilled saying, “Is that picture really her?” and then adding, “She’s so cute!”

Now - you have been home for 6 months, you are doing great, life is busy and we are enjoying every minute of it! I couldn’t be happier chasing you around, picking up all your pink toys & clothes. Pink! It’s so natural now to look at dresses, pink shoes, bows, toys...Amazing how much my life changed in 12 months.